Guided Communication Exercise

Step 1 of 6

Start With What You’d Actually Say

NVC Concept: The Jackal & The Giraffe

Rosenberg described our default, reactive way of talking as “jackal language” — blame, labels, and demands — and the more grounded alternative as “giraffe language,” named for the giraffe’s long neck and big heart. This tool helps you move from one to the other. Don’t edit yourself yet.

Step 2 of 6

Separate What Happened From What You Made It Mean

NVC Concept: Observation Without Evaluation

An observation is what a video camera would have caught — no labels, no mind-reading, no “always” or “never.” An evaluation is the story we’ve layered on top. Both can be true for you, but only the observation is something your partner can’t argue with.

Step 3 of 6

Find the Feeling Underneath

NVC Concept: Feelings vs. Thoughts

“I feel disrespected” or “I feel ignored” are thoughts about what your partner did — not feelings. A true feeling is something you’d feel in your body, on its own, no matter who caused it. Naming the actual feeling is what helps your partner stay open instead of defensive.

Select whatever feelings are present for you right now (pick as many as fit):

Step 4 of 6

Find the Need Behind the Feeling

NVC Concept: Universal Human Needs

Underneath the feeling is a need — something universal, not specific to this one person or this one moment. Rosenberg’s central claim is that every feeling points to a need being met or unmet, and that naming the need honestly is what opens the door to a real solution instead of a fight about who’s right.

Which need feels closest to what’s underneath this for you?

Step 5 of 6

Ask for Something Specific — Not a Demand

NVC Concept: Requests, Not Demands

A demand carries an unspoken threat: comply or face guilt, withdrawal, or punishment. A request is genuinely open to “no” and invites a conversation about what would work for both of you. It also names what you DO want, not what you want your partner to stop doing.

Step 6 of 6

Put It Together

NVC Concept: The Four-Part Statement

This is the same content you already worked through — just assembled into the classic NVC shape: observation, feeling, need, request. Edit it freely until it sounds like something you’d actually say out loud.

Before You Say It: Prepare to Listen Too

NVC is a two-way practice. Once you’ve shared your side, try reflecting your partner’s observation, feeling, and need back to them before responding — even if you disagree. Being understood first is often what makes someone able to hear you.