Living with a chronic illness can be difficult and sometimes lonely when others don't understand the limits you have. The people in your life who care about you deserve to know how they can help and support you.
Additionally, having that support can boost your spirits and help you to get through the harder days of your illness.
It’s important to help the people in your life understand the effects of your illness and how it might limit you. But, if you’re not sure how to talk about it or how to help them effectively ‘get it,’ let’s cover a few tips to smooth the way:
Make Reminders Without Frustration
Even after your loved ones know about your illness, you will likely still have to remind them.
That doesn’t mean you need to tell them you’re “sick” all the time. But, if they suggest an activity or ask you to participate in something that you can’t do due to your illness, consider it an opportunity to talk about it. You might need to change plans at the last minute or even cancel an event. The more your loved ones understand about your illness, the more prepared and flexible they will be.
Don’t allow yourself to get frustrated when people don’t automatically take your chronic illness into account. It doesn’t mean they don’t care about you.
Often, people who don’t have chronic illnesses just don’t have any experience in dealing with them. They might believe you can recover or ‘get better’ via diet, exercise, or medication and misunderstand the gravity of your situation. A gentle reminder can go a long way.
Set the Record Straight
The people in your life will undoubtedly have some misconceptions and some questions about your chronic illness and how it affects you. That’s a good thing. It gives you the opportunity to clear up any confusion.
If someone in your life consistently doesn’t seem to “get it,” it might be helpful to reach out to them privately. This is especially true before a big event or a get-together, where it’s important for them to understand your condition and your limits. Again, most people aren’t trying to be dismissive or cruel, they just either don’t understand or have their own ideas about what a chronic illness is.
Consider offering them pamphlets or literature on your condition, or links to websites where they can do their own research on the subject. There is no guarantee that they will read it, but it lessens the pressure on you to be the expert to answer every question that arises.
Be Assertive
Don't hesitate to ask for the flexibility and adjustments that you need! Modifications like an earlier/later time in the day, or change of location (out of the heat/sun or cold wind if these are triggers for your pain, etc). If you have dietary restrictions you need to follow, make this known ahead of time (or bring modified dishes for yourself if that is easier). Having a guest room that you can retreat and lie down in as needed can be helpful when you get tired or over-stimulated.
Also, be assertive about what you CAN do! Offer to bring a side dish, or set up early before everyone comes and before you are too worn out. Being direct about how you can contribute makes it clear that you are interested in being included and not "just making excuses."
Allow Someone to Support You
Whenever you do have to go to an event, it’s a good idea to have someone with you who does understand what you’re going through. They should be a trust-worthy support system that will reliably back you up if you need to leave or adjust your plans. They should also be compassionate and supportive when you are experiencing physical flare-ups, anxiety about your limitations, or emotionally spent. Simply feeling like you re understood can help you feel more at ease in any situation.
Don’t Let Your Illness Dictate Your Time With Loved Ones
You deserve to live your life to the fullest with friends and family. Your chronic illness might change what that looks like sometimes. But, it doesn’t mean you need to stop interacting with the people you love.
Try to adapt. Modify your plans if you need to. Show yourself some grace and patience. That might mean coming late or leaving early. It might mean having to take a ‘break’ at some point during an event. If you can’t come to something because of your illness, ask if you can get on a Zoom call or video chat at some point to see everyone.
The more your loved ones understand about your illness, the easier it will be for everyone. The people are in your life care about you. Don’t be afraid to share your struggles or your limitations. They will likely show more support than you think.
Contact Me
If you would like help in developing or implementing any of these ideas, please reach out to me.
I know how stressful and demanding it can be to make changes in your life, but you don’t have to figure it out on your own. Some of the benefits of individual therapy include:
- Having a safe, confidential space to work through life’s struggles
- Speaking openly with a highly-trained professional
- Learning to be curious about oneself and become more mindful about your choices
- Identifying relationship patterns that are helpful, or existing patterns that are interfering with your growth and well-being.
- I offer online therapy (video conference style of therapy), which provides increased level of comfort as you could meet with me from the privacy and comfort of your own home or other location.
You can request a specific appointment time that fits your schedule. Once confirmed, you can complete all New Patient Intake paperwork online as well.
*** The tips offered in this article are for general information and should not be considered medical or psychological advice. For more personalized recommendations appropriate to your individual situation, please contact us or obtain professional guidance.
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