Are there people in your life who consistently seem to cross boundaries and steal your joy? It’s not an easy thing to think about, especially if you care about those people. Unfortunately, toxic friendships, coworker relationships, and even family relationships can be damaging to your mental health and well-being.
It’s also not an easy thing to consider cutting those people out completely. And, you don’t necessarily have to.
You don’t deserve to have your joy stripped away whenever you’re around them. In order to prevent that, it’s important to not only understand who you are and what you believe but to set boundaries that will help you protect those beliefs.
With that in mind, let’s look at a few practices you can put in place to keep toxic people from stealing your joy.
Limit Your Time With Toxic Influences
When you decide to set boundaries with certain people in your life, part of that needs to be taken quite literally. If you know certain people are stealing the joy from your life, don’t spend as much time with them as you normally would.
That’s often easier said than done, especially if you consider that person a friend, or if they are a family member.
But, remember, you are in control of who is in your life. The price you pay for protecting their feelings or avoiding potential conflict is the negativity you absorb when you are around them.
You don’t have to give excuses not to see someone. Instead, limit your interaction with them in a natural way. The less they are around, the less of a chance they will have to add toxicity to your day.
Instead, spend your time with people who make you feel fulfilled. You don’t have an obligation to fill up your days with certain people. It is your choice, and you deserve to be lifted in your relationships.
The older you get, the more you realize how limited your time is each day, week, and year. Make sure you are deliberate in how you choose to spend that time, and with whom you spend it!
Set Emotional Boundaries with Toxic People
Another aspect of setting boundaries is doing so emotionally. Talk to them about those boundaries and what you will and will not accept from them. You don’t have to be defensive or angry in your explanation. And, it’s important to not let them get under your skin while you’re explaining it.
I often remind myself of a restaurant analogy to remember that it's okay to say No to others. If you were a server at an Italian restaurant and a customer asked for egg rolls, you would easily tell them that you are sorry but you cannot give them what they want. You wouldn't likely feel much guilt about not meeting their need as it just isn't appropriate or possible. Most customers would never ask for egg rolls at an Italian restaurant because of the obvious "boundaries" around what is acceptable to ask for and what isn't. In our real-world relationships, we have to be clear about what we can offer, and what we can't, what is acceptable to us, and what isn't. Once that is clear, you will have much fewer instances of others pushing your boundaries.
It’s okay to tell someone you won’t accept certain behaviors in your life. You can explain to them how it affects you and why. Some people will see the errors in their ways and make a change. Others won’t. That brings us to another point…
Remember They Are Imperfect People
No one is perfect. Everyone has their flaws. If a close family member or friend is stealing the joy from your life, you might be tempted to try to fix things for them or change them somehow. But, that isn’t your job nor is it something you should have to do.
It is up to each individual to work on their own flaws and decide if they truly want to make changes or not. While recognizing someone’s imperfections can help you to realize they may not mean the hurtful things they say or do, they also have the opportunity to make changes.
Every person is on their own journey in life. You needn’t be set back due to difficult people whose behavior makes things harder for you. By setting boundaries (physical and emotional), you can take better control of your own journey and continue walking forward with people who build you up and support you, rather than those who try to tear you down.
If you’re struggling with how to handle toxic individuals in your life, please feel free to contact me for more information, or to set up an appointment. Together, we can talk more about your relationships with these people and develop more strategies for coping, communicating, and focusing on your own happiness.
Contact Me
If you would like to discuss how to implement any of these ideas, don't hesitate to reach out.
I know how stressful and demanding it can be to make changes in your life, but you don’t have to figure it out on your own. Some of the benefits of individual therapy include:
- Having a safe, confidential space to work through life’s struggles
- Speaking openly with a highly-trained professional
- Learning to be curious about oneself and become more mindful about your choices
- Identifying relationship patterns that are helpful, or existing patterns that are interfering with your growth and wellbeing.
- I offer online therapy (video conference style of therapy), which provides an increased level of comfort as you could meet with me from the privacy and comfort of your own home or other location.
*** The tips offered in this article are for general information and should not be considered medical or psychological advice. For more personalized recommendations appropriate to your individual situation, please contact us or obtain professional guidance.
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