All children need to be raised with balance, loving affection, and discipline. Children thrive on things like routine and structure. No matter their gender, all children need to be taught to embrace their strengths, handle their weaknesses, and overcome the stereotypes that might be attached to them based on sex or gender alone. If you have a daughter, it’s important to recognize that she will have her own stereotypes to overcome. As a parent, it’s your job to help her find a balance of femininity and strength. She can be kind, compassionate, and helpful while flourishing in assertiveness and ambition, characteristics historically thought of as masculine.
So, what do you really need to know about raising strong daughters? How can you help your little girl to find that healthy balance?
Encourage Her Passions
Even from a young age, your daughter will undoubtedly have an interest in certain things. One of the best things you can do is to encourage those interests. Let her know she can pursue them in whatever way she wants, whether she loves outer space and wants to be a scientist or she pretends to be a doctor all the time. Regardless of whether she is drawn towards traditional roles or unconventional ones, your encouragement is vital.
I was fortunate to grow up with parents that encouraged a wide variety of interests and hobbies. Because of this, it never occurred to me that ANY subjects were off-limits just because I was a girl. Math, science, and philosophy were no different than writing, cooking, music lessons, or homemaking skills. I did not even know that some interests were “masculine” or “feminine” until I was in college and heard how my room-mates were not given the same encouragement to explore all topics or skills.
As your daughter gets older and starts showing more detailed interest in things, remain encouraging. Promote her passion. Not only will it help to keep her focused and dedicated, but girls who have strong interests and pursue them are less likely to get caught up in things like online drama and unhealthy friendships.
Help Your Daughter Find Her Voice
Let your daughter express herself (appropriately) when it comes to making decisions about her own life. That can include everything from the clothes she wears to the activities she’s involved in.
Simple, everyday decisions like these can help to build her confidence naturally. So, as she grows, she’ll have no problem making bigger decisions on her own.
Something as simple as asking your toddler daughter whether she wants to eat her carrots with a spoon or a fork (or her fingers) begins a pattern of teaching her that she has power in her life to choose and decide. Look for areas where encouraging age-appropriate choices can boost her self-confidence and assertiveness.
Don’t Fix Everything for Her
When you’re a parent, it’s normal to want to protect your children at all costs. Of course, there are times when your help and protection is needed.
She will run into problems throughout her life. We all do. Do what you can to support her and offer advice as much as you can. But, don’t get into the habit of fixing all of her problems for her. (This is sometimes called being a “bulldozer parent” who rushes to remove all obstacles and bumps in the road before their child has to face any hardship. While well-intentioned, it can back-fire and lead to a child being more anxious and fragile since they have not been able to develop their own problem solving skills or coping strategies).
Instead, encourage her to work through things and learn how to handle them. You can be a supportive guide along the way, but don’t take over completely.
Aim to be mindful of when your efforts to protect cross over into fixing and prevent her from having the chance to feel a sense of mastery at solving her own issues.
Take the Time to Really Listen to Your Daughter
One of the most important things you can do when you have a daughter is simply to listen to her.
No matter her age, listening more than you talk can make a big difference. You’ll pick up on the things that matter most to her, and why they’re important. You’ll learn about things she might be struggling with. That will make it easier to catch any “red flags” that might be happening in her life. As you listen to 100 “minor” stories about her everyday life, you are building trust and comfort that will allow her come to you about the big issues too.
Most importantly, you will learn more about who she is and who she wants to be. That is information you can use to be encouraging and supportive. It will also show her that she is valued and that her ideas are worth listening to.
There are so many factors in raising strong daughters. One thing to keep in mind, however, is that femininity and strength can, indeed, go hand-in-hand. That’s one thing every little girl should grow up knowing.
