6 Steps Towards Self Compassion

Are you your own toughest critic? Many people struggle with self-compassion and simply being kind of themselves. They have no problem showing grace and kindness to others but don’t carry out those actions when it comes to their own worth. 

Self-compassion is hugely important. It allows you to heal from mistakes, keep moving forward in life, and can give you the motivation to be your best self. It allows you to experience new beginnings each day. 

If you struggle with self-compassion, you’re not alone. But, there are some things you can do to give yourself more grace and become more compassionate with yourself. 

1. Change How You See Yourself

This might sound easier said than done. But, transforming your mindset and the way you see yourself is crucial. If you feel shame or feel like you can’t be kind to yourself because you’ve done something wrong, challenge those negative thoughts. 

Understand that your behaviors may have been less than desirable. That doesn’t define who you are, as a person. Remember that you are more than any mistake you have made. When you think about that and separate the things you don’t like from who you are, you can start to change the way you see yourself. 

2. Speak Kindly About Yourself

Words are powerful, even the ones you say to yourself. If you’re constantly telling yourself you’re not good enough, you’re not smart, you’re unworthy, etc., you’ll believe it. That can spiral into a mess of shame and depression. 

So, choose your words wisely. When a negative word/thought comes to mind, replace it with something positive. It takes time and effort to do this, but it can make a big difference. 

3. Practice Forgiveness

Chances are, you’re not showing yourself grace for a reason. Maybe there’s something in your past that holds you back or causes you to feel guilty. 

If you’re able to forgive others for their mistakes, you can do the same for yourself. Forgiving yourself is the first step in seeing yourself differently. You have to let go of whatever bondage is holding you back. Everyone makes mistakes. It’s what you do, going forward, that makes a difference.

4. Show Gratitude

A little gratitude can go a long way when it comes to recognizing how good your life is. When you can see the things you have to be grateful for in black and white, it makes it easier to see why you should be compassionate to yourself.

Keep a small journal with you and write down things you’re grateful for throughout the day. Or, go on a walk with the sole purpose of mentally pointing out things you’re thankful for as you pass them by. 

When you start to see that your life isn’t so grim, you can focus those positive thoughts on yourself. 

5. Be More Mindful

Mindfulness has gotten a lot of buzz over the last few years, but it’s for a good reason. It’s the practice of staying in the moment. When you’re more mindful, you don’t focus on the past, and you don’t worry about the future. Instead, you stay in the present and recognize everything that’s going on around you at that very moment. 

Mindfulness can help you to let go of whatever chains of the past are holding you back. If you start to hear negative self-talk creep in, choose to be mindful at that moment. Notice everything from the way your body feels to the way the breeze blows through the trees. In a few minutes, those negative thoughts may pass, and you can go on with your day.

6. Accepting Your Flaws Helps Self-Compassion

If you want to be more compassionate with yourself, you’re going to have to accept that you’re not perfect. You have flaws like everyone else. You don’t necessarily have to like those flaws, but you do need to accept having them. Happiness shouldn't wait until some magical finish line in the future when you have overcome all perceived flaws. That kind of perfectionistic thinking is a guaranteed recipe for low self-esteem and always feeling like you have "failed."

Accepting your flaws will help to set you free, and allow you to be kind to yourself, despite your imperfections. 

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Self-compassion isn’t always easy when you have years of self-deprecation to fight against. But, it isn’t impossible. Put these tips into practice, and you can finally start treating yourself with the grace you deserve.

If you would like help in developing or implementing any of these ideas, please reach out to me.

I know how stressful and demanding it can be to make changes in your life, but you don’t have to figure it out on your own.   Some of the benefits of individual therapy include:

• Having a safe, confidential space to work through life’s struggles
• Speaking openly with a highly-trained professional
• Learning to be curious about oneself and become more mindful about your choices
• Identifying relationship patterns that are helpful, or existing patterns that are interfering with your growth and wellbeing.
• I offer online therapy (video conference style of therapy), which provides increased level of comfort as you could meet with me from the privacy and comfort of your own home or other location.

You can request a specific appointment time that fits your schedule. Once confirmed, you can complete all New Patient Intake paperwork online as well.

*** The tips offered in this article are for general information and should not be considered medical or psychological advice. For more personalized recommendations appropriate to your individual situation, please contact us or obtain professional guidance.

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