Life will always have a certain amount of trials and challenges to face, and 2020 has given us more than our fair share it seems. Instead of turning on one another, though, how can couples face the challenging issues as a team... and win?
Have you tried taking an inventory of the challenges 2020 has presented? From a global pandemic and economic crisis to racial strife, civil unrest, political division, natural disasters, and more—most of us are navigating uncharted territory.
The problems we generally face, of course, are not all this massive in their scale. On a personal level, the stress of uncertain times manifests in ways that do not make headlines. For example, you and your spouse might feel isolated from all you once deemed normal. At the same time, being together in close quarters carries with it a fair amount of challenges itself.
Relationship Challenges During Unsettling Times
As mentioned at the outset, it begins with a paradox. Social distancing has isolated you from your community. You probably feel deprived of a lack of social contact. Meanwhile, being on top of each other can provoke a craving for even more solitude. It’s not about love when your rhythm has been dismantled.
While you’re being pulled in these two different emotional directions, external realities are battling for your attention, such as:
- Fear getting sick
- Managing financial changes and/or job loss
- Squabbling over how best to interpret all the contradictory news updates
- Having long-term daily routines upended
- Getting used to work-from-home (and maybe homeschooling) dynamics
- Sharing space 365/24/7
Each item on this admittedly incomplete list can, in turn, take flight and turn into another relationship challenge. The antidote to this cycle is unity. It’s all about finding ways to work as a team.
How to Face Relationship Problems as a Team
Pulling in one direction as a couple is harder than it looks at times. Here are some ways to become a team against the problems rather than fight against each other.
Commit to Direct Communication
It is not always easy to speak your mind to the person you love most. This can result in a passive-aggressive approach in which issues are left to fester. Commit together to speaking directly but respectfully.
Appreciate the Importance of Timing
It takes two to communicate, but not every time works well for both of you. (This is where that direct communication will come in handy.)
Sometimes, it’s not what is being discussed, but instead, how and when it is brought up. You might find it most productive to literally plan a weekly discussion time so problems and complaints aren’t randomly dropped like bombs. Knowing that you will have a regular opportunity to discuss what is bothering you can also help you feel less urgent that you must make your point while you are still upset and reactive.
Accept the Inevitability of Compromise
Compromise is inevitable in life. In healthy relationships, it’s woven into the fabric. Each day, perhaps each hour, you practice a fluid give and take. Approach conflict with an awareness of this reality and a willingness to make compromise happen on a regular basis.
Act Like a Team
In times of strife, you may feel ready to unleash your anger. There are a few times in your life when that may be required. With your partner, this urge must be refocused into compassion. No matter how deeply you disagree, the resolution must be found by working as teammates.
In these strained times, no one is at their best. Don’t add to that vibe by treating your relationship as if it were a competition. When you start viewing your relationship as "I win/you lose" or "you win/I lose", then you have lost the vision of your partnership. And who really wants to make their partner a "loser" in this equation?
Turning to Therapy as a Team
When emotions run high, teamwork can be hard to find. In 2020, that goes double or triple. To learn to work together, it's important to do more than put out in-the-moment fires. You have to take into account the many facets that make up each of you individually and as a team.
Couples therapy—in-person or via video chat—is a venue for perspective and healing. Together with a counselor, you can bring about sustainable and lasting change. The continuity of week-to-week sessions keeps you connected to yourself, your relationship, and the growth and evolution of both.
Contact Us
Feel like you’re dealing with some obstacles in your personal relationships, and wish you could close the distance? Therapy can help you develop a healthy communication style. Contact us today to schedule your first session.
I know how stressful and demanding it can be to make changes in your life, but you don’t have to figure it out on your own. Some of the benefits of individual therapy include:
- Having a safe, confidential space to work through life’s struggles
- Speaking openly with a highly-trained professional
- Learning to be curious about oneself and become more mindful about your choices
- Identifying relationship patterns that are helpful, or existing patterns that are interfering with your growth and wellbeing.
- I offer online therapy (video conference style of therapy), which provides an increased level of comfort as you could meet with me from the privacy and comfort of your own home or other location.
You can request a specific appointment time that fits your schedule. Once confirmed, you can complete all New Patient Intake paperwork online as well.
*** The tips offered in this article are for general information and should not be considered medical or psychological advice. For more personalized recommendations appropriate to your individual situation, please contact us or obtain professional guidance.
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