Fearful thoughts can often turn into obsessive thoughts, and the more you obsess about something, the worse it seems to become.
Unfortunately, trying to STOP thinking about things obsessively can often make things worse. You might find it difficult to manage your thoughts as they get stronger. This is especially common for people who deal with OCD.
So, what can you do to "manage" your obsessive thoughts and get back into your life again?
Notice It For What It Is
Trying to rid yourself or stop yourself from having obsessive thoughts often just focuses your attention on them more. Also, that can energize such thoughts. So try this instead: Notice these thoughts for what they are rather than what they are telling you. You might start by noticing them as just obsessive thoughts and not facts or necessarily actual experiences. Thoughts are thoughts. Paradoxically, when we notice them, label them, and make room for them, for now, their strength can decrease.
Since our obsessive thoughts tend to have consistent themes, we might want to give these thoughts a story title. Each time those obsessive thoughts surface we tell ourselves, "Oh, there's my mind getting caught up in the "...... story." This is a way of observing thoughts and noticing them and what your mind is doing versus struggling with the content of the thoughts.
Inside-Out
So we know trying to control or avoid such thoughts only makes them "stickier" and harder to move past. So after we notice them for what they are, label them, make room for them, we want to expand our attention - from being inside our mind to the world around us in the here and now. A good way to do this is to practice the "inside-out" technique. As you are noticing and labeling your thoughts, bring your attention to your body. Notice how your feet make contact with the floor, how your body makes contact with the chair, your posture, shrug your shoulders, and press you fingers together. Then slowly notice 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 things you may smell, and 1 thing you could taste.
You're bringing your awareness from inside your head to the real world around you. This is where actual life is and where we want our attention to be. Do this a few times if needed. Modify it to suit you. Then focus on doing something that may matter to you with this "here and now" awareness. This will take a lot of practice so don't give up on yourself!
Drop the Rope
Do you remember as a child playing tug of war? Sometimes we might have won those battles and a lot of times we may have been either at a stalemate or pulled into the mud. Well, often we are playing tug of war with the fears or "what ifs" we are obsessing about. In this case, we are trying to control "potential" experiences or fears often brought on by uncertainty. Well, we can keep trying to pull against these fears, trying in vain to insist on absolute certainty, which is driving our obsessions or we can metaphorically "drop the rope." We can tell ourselves that we cannot control all things, let go of that "unworkable" effort, and tell ourselves that we will cope with whatever comes. That includes letting go of trying to control or not have obsessive thoughts.
Recognize Your Patterns
When obsessive thinking becomes a problem, it’s rarely just by chance. What’s more likely is that you have patterns that trigger it, and behaviors that follow. It becomes a habit. When you start to recognize those patterns, you can lessen "the pull" of obsessive thoughts.
One idea is to name the thoughts as they come. Write them down, and identify some of the patterns that go along with it. Maybe you start to think obsessively whenever you have a meeting at work. Or, maybe those thoughts happen before you’re going to have coffee with your best friend. It doesn’t matter what the trigger is. What matters is that you can identify it, so you can learn to manage your concerns more effectively.
Focus On Today
Many obsessive thoughts can be fueled by fear because you start thinking in long-term time-spans. Thinking about how you’re going to get through the week or month can be overwhelming. Instead, focus on this exact moment.
Practicing mindfulness can help you to manage your thoughts. That requires staying in the present and allowing thoughts to come and go freely without dwelling on them.
Mindfulness can take some practice. To get into the right frame of mind for it, try meditating each day for a few minutes. Meditation often gets ignored because people have extreme stereotypes about it. But, it can be nothing more than sitting in silence for a few minutes and focusing on your breath or noticing your sensory experience like mentioned above. You don’t have to make any strange noises or follow any specific rituals. Instead, your focus should be on deep breathing and living in the moment. You can meditate throughout the day, even as obsessive thoughts come, to help you better distance from the thoughts, be in the present moment, and focus on actions that give you more vitality in your life.
Don’t Do It Alone
If you recognize that you’re having obsessive thoughts, it can feel overwhelming to think you have to tackle them alone. Talking to a professional, like a therapist, can help you to learn the skills you need to better manage those thoughts on a daily basis.
If you’re having obsessive thoughts and you want to get better management of them, contact me today for more information. It’s true that you may not always be able to control which thoughts come into your mind at any given moment. But, you can control how you respond to them. You have the power to manage obsessive thoughts, but you don’t have to do it on your own.
Contact Me
I know how stressful and demanding it can be to make changes in your life, but you don’t have to figure it out on your own. Some of the benefits of individual therapy include:
- Having a safe, confidential space to work through life’s struggles
- Speaking openly with a highly-trained professional
- Learning to be curious about oneself and become more mindful about your choices
- Identifying relationship patterns that are helpful, or existing patterns that are interfering with your growth and wellbeing.
- I offer online therapy (video conference style of therapy), which provides an increased level of comfort as you could meet with me from the privacy and comfort of your own home or other location.
You can request a specific appointment time that fits your schedule. Once confirmed, you can complete all New Patient Intake paperwork online as well.
*** The tips offered in this article are for general information and should not be considered medical or psychological advice. For more personalized recommendations appropriate to your individual situation, please contact us or obtain professional guidance.
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