Becoming a new parent changes almost everything about your life. It’s one of the most amazing experiences anyone can go through. But, it also requires a lot of adjustment.
Many people have fantasies about what it will be like to become a new parent. Do you have visions of gently rocking your baby to sleep, while being perpetually pleasant in a household where you and your partner get along perfectly?
But parental fantasies aren’t always reality.
The truth is, there will be good times and bad times when it comes to your new baby. You’ll have to deal with personal highs and lows and what this family change means for you, your family and friends.
So, what can you do to cope with your new life, and accept this sort of “new normal?”
Normalize Your Fears
One of the biggest things new parents struggle with is fearing the unknown. It’s easy for fear and anxiety to take over when you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing.
You’ll end up asking yourself everything from how many hours a baby should sleep each night to what certain types of coughs mean. Unfortunately, for a while, your “new normal” will probably consist of a lot of sleepless nights and some exhaustion.
It’s important to take care of yourself as much as possible when you can. While the stereotypes of not getting any sleep after a new baby is real, there are still things you can do to practice self-care. Some things include meditation or yoga, joining a gym, or just unwinding with your favorite book or TV show at night.
Listening to Advice vs. Learning As You Go
Your parents, in-laws, grandparents, and friends are all bound to give you input and opinions when it comes to how to raise your baby and what to expect.
The best way to keep from becoming overwhelmed by that? Take their well-meaning suggestions into consideration, but give yourself permission to experiment and find what works for your new child and changing family needs. Everyone raises their children differently. There isn’t a specific “ideal” or “right” way to do it. It will take time to learn your child’s temperament and how best to respond.
For example, and easy to soothe baby may respond well to almost any loving attention, while a more sensitive baby requires a more personalized approach. For me, I tried my best to follow all the advice to swaddle both of my girls, but it made them more angry and frustrated rather than soothed. In theory it was a great idea, but in practice it was not a good fit for them. I joked that they hadn’t read the expert’s opinions and didn’t know they were supposed to like it!
While it can be helpful to listen to the advice from people you care about, you don’t have to feel obligated to take it all into consideration. Your fantasy of having s baby might be that you have this unending, perfect support system. The reality is more likely that people are going to tell you what to do, rather than spending a lot of time with you.
The Good, The Bad, the Fantasy
When you become a new parent, you’re automatically jumping on a roller coaster. Again, it’s okay to have fantasies and expectations. As humans, we’re always going to have expectations and things that do and don’t meet our standards.
It won’t always be easy to adjust to the new sense of normal in your life. Having a baby really can change just about everything you do. Put some coping strategies in place to help you feel less overwhelmed and stressed. It’s easy to put your baby first and yourself second. That’s human nature.
But, if you feel like you can’t cope and you keep it inside, it could lead to issues like anxiety or depression. You have to take care of yourself in order to be able to take care of your child.
You can not only survive this transition but thrive as a family!
If you’re still struggling with how you can cope as a new parent, feel free to call me at any time to talk about different ways you can deal with your new adjustment. This should be the happiest time in your life. So, let me help you work through any underlying issues, and you can enjoy more time with your newborn instead of falling short of your own expectations.
Additional Reading:
5 Ways to Navigate and Cope With Change
Prioritizing Your Changing Needs
Lost in the Middle: 6 Tips for Managing both your Parents and your Children
New Parent Perspective: Does Having a Baby Ruin the Marriage
