More and more, mindfulness is being shown to offer incredible benefits for both physical and emotional health, including greater self-compassion. Mindfulness encompasses several main ideas and goals. These include increasing our awareness of the present moment and accepting our thoughts and experiences as they are. They also include learning to be intentional about our thoughts and actions.
However, it can be easy to forget that, just as we are learning to develop compassion for others in mindfulness, we need to do the same for ourselves.
Several studies have demonstrated that mindfulness goes hand-in-hand with intentional self-compassion. But how can you use mindfulness to practice self-compassion?
1. Awareness
Intentionally slowing down and focusing on our immediate sensations is a big part of mindfulness. The goal is to pull us into the present moment. We so often live in our heads and let distractions dictate our emotions.
Learning to pay attention to small things like ambient noises and the rise and fall of our breathing leads to more significant steps. One of these is greater awareness of our thoughts, anxieties, and worries.
We may notice habitual, negative self-talk as our awareness increases. Recognizing these patterns is one of the first steps to increase our self-compassion.
2. Curiosity
As we begin to see how we criticize ourselves, the next step is to be curious about why. Mindfulness gives us the mental space to step back from any preconceived ideas we have about how we should think and react. Instead, it allows us to observe them from a neutral attitude.
As we observe the critical thoughts we have about ourselves, we can maintain curiosity about why we have them. We don’t need to berate ourselves or call ourselves names. Instead, we can pay attention to our thoughts and follow where they go. Perhaps the inner criticism is just a bad habit, or perhaps you think that the only way to improve yourself is to constantly remind yourself about your flaws. Or maybe the voice of inner harshness echoes the way someone else in our life treated us.
Regardless, this approach will allow us to discover greater insight into our behavior. In turn, it helps us find compassion and understanding for ourselves.
3. Acceptance
One of the many beautiful things about mindfulness is that it encourages us to accept whatever thoughts and feelings we have without judgment. We can sit back and notice the thoughts running through our heads without tying particular meaning or judgments to them. Just because we have a specific thought doesn’t mean that it has to define us or that we are doomed to be a certain way.
As we practice accepting what’s in our head, we learn to accept ourselves more fully, just as we are. And this is a big part of self-compassion: allowing ourselves to love ourselves for who we are, warts and all. And the irony is that as we accept ourselves more as a whole human being, we are MORE motivated to continue working on growth and self-improvement, rather than marinating in guilt and shame.
4. Self-Compassion
As we practice elements of mindfulness, such as awareness, curiosity, and acceptance, we can move into deeper self-compassion.
Self-compassion means that we treat ourselves kindly. We give ourselves grace, and we can laugh at our mistakes. We refuse to beat ourselves up over mistakes we made or things that we did in the past. It also means that we will treat ourselves just as kindly as we would a friend or loved one. If we wouldn’t tear them apart verbally for a mistake, why would we do it to ourselves? We deserve the same level of compassion as we give others.
Importantly, having self-compassion is linked with lower depression and levels of anxiety. Its benefits for mental and emotional health are numerous. Go ahead and put some of these ideas into practice. You’ll be glad you did!
Contact Me
When we’re in the thick of life’s struggles, it’s very easy to get down on ourselves. Often, the family environment we were raised in taught us negative concepts about ourselves. These concepts can be so ingrained in us that we don’t even realize they’re there. Therapists can help us use tools like mindfulness to uncover these harmful beliefs and find healing. If you’re ready to start this journey, I encourage you to contact my office today.
If you would like help in developing or implementing any of these ideas, please reach out to me.
I know how stressful and demanding it can be to make changes in your life, but you don’t have to figure it out on your own. Some of the benefits of individual therapy include:
- Having a safe, confidential space to work through life’s struggles
- Speaking openly with a highly-trained professional
- Learning to be curious about oneself and become more mindful about your choices
- Identifying relationship patterns that are helpful, or existing patterns that are interfering with your growth and wellbeing.
- I offer online therapy (video conference style of therapy), which provides increased level of comfort as you could meet with me from the privacy and comfort of your own home or other location.
You can request a specific appointment time that fits your schedule. Once confirmed, you can complete all New Patient Intake paperwork online as well.
*** The tips offered in this article are for general information and should not be considered medical or psychological advice. For more personalized recommendations appropriate to your individual situation, please contact us or obtain professional guidance.
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