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You may have heard of the popular book “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. It is one of my favorite go-to books about improving and enriching all relationships – not just with a spouse, but with our friends, children, parents, coworkers, etc.
So today, I’d like to give you my summary of his book, and encourage you to pick it up for a quick and enlightening read! Stay tuned – each week I will write a separate article on each Love Language and how you can use them every day.
What is a Love Language?
Just as there are different verbal languages around the world used to communicate our ideas to one another, there are different “Languages” used to express our love and affection to each other. This is just as relevant for friendships and parenting as it is to romantic relationships.
In general, we each have a different and preferred way we like to show love and affection to others, and usually expect them to show it back in the same way. If our partner (or friend or child, etc) has a different way of showing support and love to us, we may not recognize it as such and end up feeling unloved.
The 5 Love Language Styles
- Physical touch – from holding hands, a hug, shoulder rub. sitting next to each other, all the way to sexual intimacy.
- Words of Affirmation – telling someone directly what we appreciate about them. From the everyday common example of Hey, thanks for taking the trash out for me, to “Your willingness to walk with me for months through the grief of losing my Dad makes me feel so safe and secure.”
- Gifts – self-explanatory, but can be small like getting their favorite soda for them when you are at the grocery store, or to bigger and more grand expensive things.
- Acts of Service – (my personal favorite) – This is doing something for your loved one without being asked or even expecting anything in return, especially when it makes their life easier or requires some sacrifice on our part.
- Quality time together – (my second favorite) from big vacations of a lifetime, to working to weed the garden together, this love language is less about what you are doing and just about doing it together as a team.
There is certainly overlap among the love language styles, and it can look something like this:
So my daughter just vacuumed and mopped the kitchen for me before I got home from work because she knew I was planning to do it. Her Act of Service prompted me to give her Words of Affirmation in thanks and snuggle watching tv with her (Physical Touch and Quality Time Together).
What is Your Love Language Style?
As you read through this, does one style catch your attention more than another? Consider what feels most natural and comfortable to you in showing affection to others. It may be the same or different than your preferred style in receiving affection.
If you are curious about what your Love Language is, check out the official website here to take a quiz, learn more, listen to podcasts, and find a whole bunch of official resources.
