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Being an Introvert in an Extroverted World

Shy or introverted woman hides face behind book.

If you are an introvert, it can seem like you are mis-matched for the roles and tasks around you that seem to prefer extroverts.

Statistically speaking, about 60% - 80% of Americans would consider themselves to be extroverted people. With stats like that, it can feel a bit overwhelming to be an introvert! 

Still, you’re certainly not alone if you have an introverted personality. It can be easy to think something is wrong with you or that you should force yourself to “get out there” more. However, there’s nothing wrong with you. Although it is healthy for everyone to nudge themselves out of a comfort zone from time to time, forcing yourself into uncomfortable situations isn’t always the answer. Especially if you are doing so because you think something is "wrong" with you if you don't.

The reality? You don’t have to change who you are to appeal to society. All you really need to do is be comfortable with who you are and how you choose to spend your time. With that in mind, let’s look at some ways you can become an “expert” introvert in a world full of extroverted people. 

Understand Your Strengths – and Cater to Them

Many people view introverts as antisocial or closed off. That is hardly the case. Introversion isn’t a gauge of whether you like people or not. It is more about whether social activities are uplifting and energizing to you (extroverts), or whether it drains you (introverts).

Still, you might have to spend some extra time dispelling some of the common myths and assumptions about introverts by playing to your strengths. 

What are the strengths of introverted people? 

First of all, they’re more likely to be great listeners. That’s a wonderful quality to possess in career and personal relationships. You may not be a big talker, but you’re likely a good listener. That can go a long way. In fact, many introverts listen so well that they’re able to grasp details quickly and make connections in ways that others can’t. Believe it or not, many therapists are introverts (Case in point, I had VERY briefly considered being a teacher until I thought about having to be around so many people all day long! Being a therapist fit my natural style of connecting one-on-one much better). 

Introverts are good listeners

Introverts are also typically good at concentrating on the task at hand. When they get involved in a project, they’ll see it through. They also tend to be rather thorough and precise. Introverts naturally tend to research or study something until they become an “expert” on it. 

Be As Prepared As Possible

Typically, introverts like to think about things. That’s why going out in social settings isn’t always fun (and can even be scary). It can feel unnerving to dive into potential conversations where you won’t have an opportunity to think about answers to questions, etc. at length.

Fortunately, it can help to prepare yourself as much as possible for things like social gatherings, family get-togethers, and even job interviews. Think about some questions people might ask or topics of conversation that might come up. What will you say? 

Feeling more prepared can help ease some potential anxiety. A bit of role-playing or visualization and can make you feel more comfortable being around others. You don’t have to go overboard with it. After all, you’ll never be able to know every topic of discussion. But, having some sort of gameplan in mind can make a big difference. Don't get "lost in the weeds", just have a few bullet point ideas to lean on.

Give Yourself Space

The best thing you can do as an introvert is to love yourself and give yourself the space you need. You can’t force yourself to become more extroverted, and you shouldn’t have to. 

There will likely be times when you need to be more social than you prefer (office parties, family gatherings, etc). Try to limit other obligations leading up to this, but especially AFTER an event. You will be more tired and need extra time to recharge yourself.

Introvert self care

If you’re at a party and you want to go home, go home. If your idea of a great night is watching a movie on your couch rather than going to a bar, stay home and relax. There is nothing wrong with being introverted, and that can’t be said enough. Self-compassion and self-care matter most.

If you consider yourself an introvert and you’re struggling in this extroverted world, it’s okay. There are more things you can do to find peace and really become an “expert” at who you are and what you want. 

Feel free to contact me for more information, or to set up an appointment. Together, we can work on different strategies for accepting your introverted nature and using it to your advantage. 


Contact Me

I know how stressful and demanding it can be to make changes in your life, but you don’t have to figure it out on your own.   Some of the benefits of individual therapy include:

  • Having a safe, confidential space to work through life’s struggles
  • Speaking openly with a highly-trained professional
  • Learning to be curious about oneself and become more mindful about your choices
  • Identifying relationship patterns that are helpful, or existing patterns that are interfering with your growth and wellbeing.
  • I offer online therapy (video conference style of therapy), which provides an increased level of comfort as you could meet with me from the privacy and comfort of your own home or other location.

You can request a specific appointment time that fits your schedule. Once confirmed, you can complete all New Patient Intake paperwork online as well.

*** The tips offered in this article are for general information and should not be considered medical or psychological advice. For more personalized recommendations appropriate to your individual situation, please contact us or obtain professional guidance.


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About Jennifer Tzoumas

I hold active licenses for independent practice in Texas and Pennsylvania, and an Authority to Practice Interjurisdictional Telepsychology (APIT) granted from the PSYPACT Commission, that allows for independent practice in approximately 30 of the 50 United States (check https://www.verifypsypact.org/ to see if your state participates). I have been married for 25 years, and have two teenage daughters. Although I enjoy social gatherings in small doses, I am more of an introvert (I prefer working one-on-one, or in small groups). Outside the office, I consider myself an avid reader, recreational runner/weight lifter, and part-time gardener. I am active in my church and enjoy watching my daughters in their activities (dance, TaeKwonDo, and marching band).

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