Relationship Repair: 7 Ways to Regain Your Intimacy and Connection

Something feels off in your relationship. You don’t feel as close as you used to be. You crave more intimacy and connection.

It could be as serious as infidelity. Or, it might just be that the honeymoon phase is over, life is busy and stressful, and you aren’t quite sure how to reconnect and move forward together.

Whatever the issue is, one key solution is to rebuild the intimacy and daily connection that has become weakened.

Intimacy is that special feeling of connection that you have with another person. It encompasses closeness, caring, warmth, and that ineffable feeling you have with only a few special people.

Intimacy is a magical thing when it is working well. There are several specific things that you can do to build and rebuild intimacy in your relationship. Here are seven of them:

1. Connect with Each Other Several Times per Day

In order to rebuild intimacy, you have to make time to be together. A weekend getaway or a longer vacation can be a nice jumpstart. However, it is the daily time that you make for one another that really makes a difference.

Here are some ways to connect throughout the day:

When you’re together, hug and kiss each other every morning and every night.
When you’re apart, have a five-minute phone call each morning and each night.
Send each other thoughtful text messages throughout the day.
Set a dinner time and have a device-free meal together each day.
Spend fifteen minutes of every evening just sharing stories about your day

2. Ramp Up Physical Touch

Ideally, you will make time for sex. After all, it’s one of the best ways to connect to your partner. However, there might be some reason that sexual intercourse is limited or off of the table right now.

Whether or not sex is regular, physical touch is important. Find ways to incorporate it into your relationship regularly. Massages, kisses, and holding hands are all ways to rebuilding intimacy.

3. Pretend It’s a First Date

When you have been with someone for a long time, it can feel like you already know everything about them. On one hand, that can enhance feelings of intimacy. On the other hand, it can mean that you forget to pay close attention to one another.

Go out on a dinner date with your partner and pretend that it’s your first date. Ask questions about their past, present, and dreams for the future. Really listen to the responses. Share your own.

4. Try Something New Together

Shake up your old routine and see new sides of one another by participating together in something new. Take a class, try a new hobby, or visit someplace where neither of you has ever been.

Be curious about this new thing. More importantly, share that curiosity with your partner. Furthermore, get curious about their experience. You will learn more about each other. At the same time, you’ll create new memories together.

5. Retell Your Story

You do have a past together. In fact, you have a whole story. First, it begins with how you met. Then it continues through the many things that you have done together. It includes challenges as well as the ways that you overcame those challenges.

Set aside an evening and take turns telling each other your shared story. Come up with a version that you can both agree upon. This “story of us” is a great way to strengthen your bond.

6. Unplug to Connect

Technology can be a great way to connect with people including your partner. However, it is also a big distraction. How many times have you realized that you were barely paying attention to what your partner said because you were swiping through your phone?

Set aside times and spaces in the home that are no-gadget zones. Go analog by playing board games, reading books together, talking, and cuddling.

7. Speak Highly of Each Other

It is all too easy to gripe about our partners. We vent to our friends. We think negative thoughts in our own minds. However, focusing on what we don’t like eats away at intimacy.

In contrast, turning our attention to what we appreciate helps build intimacy. Pay attention to what you say about your partner and about your relationship—including what you say only to yourself. Reframe negative thoughts into positive ones.

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