Some people struggle with feelings of guilt more than others. You might look at other people in your life and wonder how they can brush things off so easily. Meanwhile, you find yourself feeling terrible over something you may have done or said – even something that wasn’t necessarily a big deal!
Guilt can be debilitating. It can cause you to become anxious and depressed. It may even lower your self-esteem and negatively impact your relationships.
So, if you struggle with guilt more often than you should, what can you do about it? How can you finally let go of guilt?
Let’s look at a few helpful strategies you can put in place today.
Shift Your Thoughts & Practice Self-Compassion
Many times, feelings of guilt come from a place of negative self-talk. You might feel guilty about things because you don’t hold a lot of compassion for yourself.
It is far too easy for negative thoughts to take over the narrative inside your mind. So, it’s important to actively fight back against that. Practice positivity every single day. If you “hear” negative thoughts starting to creep in, combat them with positive ones.
Go easy on yourself and don’t hold onto things that you may have done wrong or think you should have done better. When you are more compassionate and forgiving with yourself, you’re less likely to let guilt overwhelm you and fuel the cycle of negativity.
Guilt vs Shame
Learning is a lifelong process. Sometimes a prick of guilt is what we need to recognize that we are acting in ways that aren’t in line with our core values. Such a nudge is healthy and appropriate! .It helps us to grow.
However, if we hold onto the guilt or over-emphasize it, it is a short trip to feeling shame. (I am making a distinction that guilt is an awareness that something I have done is wrong/bad, whereas shame is a belief that because of that action, *I* am bad and wrong).
Why is that such a problem?
Shame never promotes growth! Shame says, “Since I am inherently bad, why bother trying to act differently? I can’t fool myself or other people for long.” Shame prevents us from growing and changing!
Is Proneness for Guilt a Learned Pattern?
It is important to take a look at your past when trying to recognize why you struggle with guilt.
Many times, people who have a lot of guilt have let it build up for a reason. Take a look at your upbringing. Were your parents, teachers, coaches, or other important people in your life especially critical of you? Were they quick to point out when you did something wrong or failed?
Or, perhaps you had a romantic relationship in which that was the case. Having a partner who constantly places the blame on you is damaging. Not only can it destroy your self-esteem but it can also cause you to start to believe that everything is, indeed, your fault.
That mindset can be hard to let go of, especially if it has been drilled into your head for years.
Thankfully, something like therapy can help.
Talking to someone about your struggles with guilt is often the first step toward letting go of it. Most of the time, when you are able to get to the underlying cause of your guilt, you can work toward releasing it. No one is born feeling guilty all the time. Often, it is a learned behavior from things that have happened in our lives or people that have caused us to believe we are to blame for everything.
