It’s human nature to look at the lives of other people and compare them to your own. This “social referencing” is not a new practice. Comparison has been going on since the beginning of time. Unfortunately, it can fuel feelings of jealousy and worsen insecurity, leading to lower self-esteem and doubts about your sense of self-worth.
However, our modern society and social media has made it much easier to fall into the trap of comparison. You might find yourself scrolling through Facebook, seeing pictures of people’s “perfect” lives, and wishing you could have what they have.
If you tend to struggle with comparing yourself and your “faults” to others, you’re not alone. But, it’s also an unhealthy habit.
So, why is comparison so damaging, and what can you do to stop pining for the lives and skills of others?
The Problem With Comparing
When you continuously compare yourselves to others, you’re fueling a vicious cycle that by design will always lead to you feeling worse. That’s because you are likely noticing and comparing someone’s strengths to your perceived weaknesses, which can make you feel inadequate.
Those feelings of inadequacy can cause you to withdraw from your own life. You might pull away from others, and your performance may even suffer at work because you don’t feel as though you could ever do a “good enough” job.
And as you isolate yourself, there is a part of your mind that will twist your aloneness into self-fulfilling “evidence” that no one wants you or that you’re not good enough.
If you allow yourself to fall into that vicious cycle, it can be difficult to get out on our own. After all, most of this criticism is happening in your own head when no one can dispute it.
Putting in the Work
So, what can you do if you compare yourself to others regularly? How can you move forward when everyone seems to be “better” than you?
Instead of telling yourself that you’re no good, there are a few things to consider. First, when it comes to social media it’s important to understand that it’s not always an accurate depiction of reality. Most of the time, people are only sharing a “highlight reel” of their lives. They are sharing their moments of celebration or accomplishments, which is great! Just remember that they are not typically sharing the daily struggles and nuances.
Second, whether you compare yourself to people online or in person, there is something you can do about it.
When you notice someone else’s awesome success story, and it tickles your sense of inadequacy, instead of running yourself down, let that person be an inspiration to you. Use their strengths to motivate you into who/what you want to be.
Additionally, instead of harboring feelings of jealousy, talk to that person. Ask them how they have achieved the things in life that you want. This strategy will help you to build interpersonal relations, rather than focusing on isolation. Those relationships will help you learn and grow.
We need others in our lives that are willing to inspire and push us. When you close yourself off because you think you’ll never be good enough, you’re robbing yourself of that growth.
So, while comparing yourself to others isn’t always healthy, you can use it as a motivational tool to work harder and obtain the skills you’re pining for.
Contact Me
If you’re struggling with comparison or worthiness and want to learn how to move forward, feel free to contact me with any questions or to set up an appointment.
