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Everyone has areas of struggle when it comes to balanced thinking. It is so common that you may not even recognize it as a thinking error at all! Consider whether any of the following common thinking errors sound familiar, so that you can lessen the impact they have on your mental and emotional state.
So, what are some of those common errors in thinking, and what can you do if you’re prone to believe them? Although there are dozens of common thinking errors, these tend to be the ones most of us fall into at some point or another (personally, I am prone to jumping to conclusions and perfectionistic demands from time to time).
All-or-Nothing Thinking
Perhaps the most common thinking error is the all-or-nothing mentality. Think of your mind as though it’s on a pendulum, swinging back and forth. When you have an all-or-nothing mindset, you can’t focus on any part of the “swinging” motion. You only focus on one end or the other.
What’s problematic about this way of thinking is that it makes everything black and white. This mental habit probably started in human history as a way to simplify the complexities in life - can you imagine the wasted mental energy it would have taken to deeply analyze everything before taking action. So dividing things into subsets of "safe or unsafe", "friend or foe," etc. served as a short-cut to aid in survival. However, in valuing efficiency we have paid the price for forgetting the many levels of “gray” that are there. In doing so, you tend to miss things that are really important and look past details that matter.
If you tend to be an all-or-nothing thinker, try to focus on those “gray spots” in between one choice or another. Notice how often you label things as "good" or "bad", "right" or "wrong" in a stark dichotomous way. Most experiences in life are a mixture of the two. Enjoy experiences for what they are, rather than the end result. Practice mindfulness to stay in the moment, rather than focusing on what comes next.
Mind-Reading/Jumping to Conclusions
You probably know you can’t really read minds, but that doesn’t mean you don’t try – even without realizing it.
This error in thinking causes you to assume what others must be thinking. For example, if you’re talking to someone at a social event and you say something political, you might think, “they don’t share the same values I do,” or “they must be trying to stereotype me.”
The reality is, you never know what someone is thinking. This error can easily stir up problems with social anxiety and feelings of inadequacy or even fear of persecution. Make sure you’re not “guessing” when it comes to other people’s thoughts. If you want to know what a person is truly thinking, talk to them.
Catastrophizing
Catastrophizing can sometimes be thought of as a combination of All or None thinking and Jumping to Conclusions. Do you frequently find yourself assuming the worst case scenario, and become convinced it has a high likelihood of happening? If your partner is late coming home from work, do you assume a catastrophe has happened, like a car accident or infidelity? This is often a huge part of anxiety - remember that anxiety served the sometimes helpful function of helping us mobilize and prepare for "battle" of some kind. But if it becomes habitual, then your anxious mind is always looking for the next problem to happen (so you can be prepared for it), and ends up creating non-existent problems to focus on.
If this is a pattern you find yourself in, try considering that although it is a rare possibility of a catastrophe, what other things could explain the situation? Usually you can come up with at least 5-10 other realistic possibilities to help your anxious mind disengage from catastrophizing.
Perfectionistic Demands
There is nothing wrong with having high standards, but perfectionistic demands happen when we find ourselves using words like "should", "must", or "ought" a lot. When our expectations are not met, it is normal to be disappointed, but if we are stuck in the thinking error of perfectionistic demands, it is almost intolerable to consider that our loved ones or the world did not act in the way we expected. (My teenagers "should" pick up after themselves because I have taught them this their whole life and they agree that they enjoy a less cluttered space.)
Humorously, it's kind of like we put ourselves in the role of an acting director and no one else is playing their part "right." How dare they! They are breaking the "contract."
It can help to step back and recognize that everyone has their right to choose, and sometimes they choose to act in ways that are unfair, shock us or disappoint us, but they are not puppets on our string or actors in our play. This helps reduce the outrage to normal disappointment, allowing us to regroup faster and develop another plan of action. Maybe there is still room to "negotiate" or maybe we need to shift gears completely. But this is hard to do if we stay stuck in "demanding" (internally or out loud) that they do what they "should" do according to us.
Emotional Reasoning
Emotions can be intense and demand attention to be acknowledged and felt. But, it doesn’t always mean they’re based in reality. Emotional reasoning can cause you to assume what you’re feeling is rational, even when it isn’t. For example, “If I’m feeling nervous about this moment, I must have an anxiety disorder.” Or, "I feel inferior, and everyone else can see that too." That isn’t necessarily true.
If you have a habit of letting your emotions get the best of you and drifting away from reality, it’s important to recognize that what you feel isn’t always factual. Take stock in your emotions as they are a valuable source of information - just be careful that you don't let them become the ONLY source of information when making decisions, as they can easily be flawed.
Personalization
Do you find yourself focusing on…yourself, quite a bit? No one wants to admit that their own world revolves around them. But, when you struggle with the thinking error of personalization, that’s exactly what happens.
Personalization causes you to turn any situation into a problem about yourself. If someone doesn’t return an email, you might automatically assume they don’t like you. If your boss sets up a meeting with several of your co-workers but not you, you might think you’re going to get fired or demoted.
Instead of drawing every experience in, take the time to look at the external factors of each situation. Chances are, there are more things at play that have nothing to do with you.
If you’re prone to common thinking errors, it can be hard to adjust your thought process. But, recognizing the errors is the first step. When you do, you can hit the “pause” button and start to work toward more balanced and rational thinking.
If you’re having trouble with common errors in thinking, please read more about anxiety treatment and feel free to contact me. Together, we’ll identify those errors and work on ways to create more balanced thoughts as you move forward.
Contact Me
If you’re struggling with these common thinking errors, please feel free to contact me. We can work on applying these concepts to your personal situation.
I know how stressful and demanding it can be to make changes in your life, but you don’t have to figure it out on your own. Some of the benefits of individual therapy include:
- Having a safe, confidential space to work through life’s struggles
- Speaking openly with a highly-trained professional
- Learning to be curious about oneself and become more mindful about your choices
- Identifying relationship patterns that are helpful, or existing patterns that are interfering with your growth and wellbeing.
- I offer online therapy (video conference style of therapy), which provides an increased level of comfort as you could meet with me from the privacy and comfort of your own home or other location.
You can request a specific appointment time that fits your schedule. Once confirmed, you can complete all New Patient Intake paperwork online as well.
*** The tips offered in this article are for general information and should not be considered medical or psychological advice. For more personalized recommendations appropriate to your individual situation, please contact us or obtain professional guidance.
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