November is National Family Caregivers Month, where we acknowledge and honor the dedication of family members who provide care to loved ones, often with long hours of juggling demanding responsibilities with little time for themselves.
Have you ever heard of “the sandwich generation?” You may be a part of it without even realizing it. It’s a term sometimes used to describe adults who are stuck in the middle of two generational bookends. They have children to take care of, as well as aging parents.
Caretaking, in any form, is a huge job with endless responsibilities. When you have to take care of both your kids and your parents, it can quickly become overwhelming.
You might find yourself having to do it all, from nursing care to cooking and cleaning. This kind of lifestyle can take a toll on your mental health, physical health, and may even cause you to struggle financially.
The sandwich generation often puts the care of their loved ones above themselves. While it’s a noble and kind thing to do, taking care of yourself is extremely important. Without self-care, you can’t give the attention you might want to your kids and parents!
So, what can you do to manage the strain and feel less overwhelmed with your many responsibilities?
1. Be Prepared
Having a plan in place for both your kids and your parents can take some of the pressure off of you. While things will certainly happen that you can’t plan for, having a broad plan in place will help a lot. Coordinate with your siblings, your spouse, or other family members to be available when you’re not. By being prepared for the unexpected, things can still keep running fairly smoothly, and no one will have to miss what’s important (or necessary) to their overall well-being and care.
2. Stay Organized
Organization is key when it comes to staying on top of caring for two groups of people. If you’re not a typically-organized person, disciplining yourself to keep things in order can make a big difference.
One of the best things you can do is to create a schedule for yourself in dealing with both your kids and your parents. If your parents are able to do some things for themselves, give them a copy of the schedule as well, so they can know what to expect. Keep it in a central place in your home (kitchen refrigerator), or utilize modern shared digital calendars if your family prefers this and is comfortable with the technology.
3. Tell Others What You Need
This may seem obvious, but is often one of the hardest things for nurturers to do. Logically, you know that you don’t always have to take the brunt of everything by yourself. However, if you are a natural nurturer, you probably have discomfort and difficulty asking for help as you don’t want to “bother” others. You probably tell yourself, “Oh, I will just push through this one more task and then I will rest.” But somehow there is always one more task to do.
Remember, you also don’t always have to wait for an emergency situation to rely on the help of others. In fact, more frequent and regular breaks will be more beneficial to you than a big break that is rare. Don’t be afraid to tell other people in your family (or even friends) what you need.
Whether it’s an hour every night to decompress, or someone to bring meals over a few nights a week, express yourself to those closest to you. Most people are usually more than willing to help out however they can. They may just not know how best to help and will appreciate you clearly asking for what best fits your needs at that moment.
4. Understand What Your Time is Worth
When it comes to both kids and seniors, care and wellness can be expensive. Maybe you want to get away for a night with your spouse, but you’ll have to hire a babysitter for your kids. If you want your parents to get more social interactions, you might try signing them up for a class or event at the local senior center.
Things like these cost money, and not everyone has the means to do that. But, you also have to understand what your time is worth. Striking a balance between time and money is crucial for your well-being. So, figure out a budget for the things you want to be able to do, and how you can offer more to your kids and parents.
5. Find Ways to De-Stress
Again, self-care is a necessity when you’re already caring for so many other people. Take time to find the things that bring you comfort and peace, so you can de-stress. For some people, that could be taking a daily walk. For others, a spa day once a week can make them feel rejuvenated.
Meditating or practicing yoga at home each day can also allow you to feel less stressed. Everyone is different, so find what works for you to unwind each day. Start by pausing as asking yourself what you crave when you are stressed. If you are more of an introvert, you will likely want quiet alone time to recharge. However, if you are an extrovert, you will likely crave a chance to connect with people in a social activity. If you need some ideas, check out Self-Care Strategies – More Than a Luxury Spa Day!
6. Know Your Limitations
You’re not invincible. You don’t need to be Superman (or woman)! Everyone has limits, and it’s important to understand what yours are, so you don’t push past them. If you do, you run the risk of getting burned out, and possibly even physically sick or depressed.
If you feel like you’re alone in your situation, reach out for help. There are support groups all across the country for the sandwich generation – people living lives taking care of kids and parents, just like you.
