Stress builds up, frustrations arise, and sometimes you just have a bad day. It’s not uncommon to feel anger or irritation by certain things (or people).
While getting annoyed once in a while isn’t a bad thing, it can become a problem if it becomes a pattern. It can start to take over your life. Anger is a normal healthy emotion. However, how you handle your anger can lead to very unhealthy and upsetting outcomes.
No one wants to feel annoyed, irritable or offended all the time. Anger is a serious problem when it gets out of hand. It can affect your job, relationships, your health, and self-esteem.
So, what can you do to manage your anger and find more peace?
1. Think Before You Act
This is a classic piece of advice for a reason. We all need to stop, breathe, and think before we speak or act. If you have anger issues, it’s especially important. When you’re easily irritated, it isn’t hard for something to set you off. As a result, you might “snap” and say or do something you later regret.
Make it a point to always pause and think about what you’re going to say before you say it. That isn’t easy when you’re feeling annoyed. But, it will make a big difference in how you feel and how you handle each situation.
Often people who have problems with anger have a bias toward believing that another's actions not only hurt them, but were unjust, preventable, intentional, and blameworthy. Jumping to these conclusions often leads to more intense anger and desire to react. Thinking and re-evaluating such thoughts can help you better assess the situation and react appropriately.
2. Notice Early Warning Signs
Especially if anger has become a common feeling for you, you may not easily be able to see the early warning signs. Does your fist, jaw, or neck muscles get tight? Are your thoughts narrowed to the offensive person and you can't distract or let it go?
If you can start to notice the earlier signals that you are getting upset, you will have an easier time intervening than if you wait until you are overwhelmed with the intensity of the emotion. That is when you are most likely to act impulsively.
3. Get to Know YOUR Anger Style
Are you more likely to lash out? Say or do something explosive that sends a clear message that you are upset? Do you yell? Stomp around?
Or are you more of a quiet brooder, holding onto your hurt and irritation? This means it is likely to slip out in less obvious ways - snarky comments under your breath, "forgetting" to do something asked of you, etc.
Neither style is very effective - the valid point you may have about being upset will be lost in the explosive storm of directly blasting others (all they will remember is the storm, not the complaint you had). While you are quietly brooding, others have no idea what you are needing, and your needs go unmet even longer.
4. Embrace Quiet Moments
Life is stressful and fast-paced. Those two things can often contribute to feeling irritable. When you’re stressed, it’s also easier to be reactive and to get offended.
How can you combat that? Take breaks throughout the day.
Even a five-minute break to just breathe, relax, and calm down can be beneficial. If you feel yourself starting to get stressed throughout the day, sit back and relax for a few minutes. Taking short, frequent breaks throughout the day can help with irritability and make you feel much calmer.
If you feel irritable all the time, it’s important to find different ways you can relax. This looks different for everyone. But, it could include deep breathing techniques, mindfulness, meditation, or yoga. Even just a few minutes of these techniques each day can help to keep you centered and focused, and you’ll be able to get through your day with a much calmer state of mind.
Also, making a daily practice of calming strategies helps you develop the skills to better regulate your emotions. Those skills can then be used in tough situations in which you may be stressed or angry to better calm yourself. A calmer mind and body will help you better manage challenging situations more effectively.
5. Get Moving
Exercise can go a long way to helping with irritability! It can also help to reduce stress. If you feel yourself getting angry or easily-irritated throughout the day, get up and get moving.
You don’t need to get in strenuous workout. A short walk around the block can be helpful in clearing your head and getting your blood flowing.
6. Don’t Blame Others
When most people are angry, they tend to want to take it out on other people. However, when you do express your anger, try to avoid blaming anyone else. Instead, use “I” statements to express how you feel. It is fine to "complain" or discuss what it happening that is bothering you, and make a request of the other person.
“I” statements allow you to express the issues you’re dealing with. From there, you’re more likely to come up with a possible solution with someone, because they won’t feel attacked.
7. Think About Solutions
Instead of focusing on the things that are bothering you, try to shift your thoughts toward possible solutions. You may have to make some adjustments in the way you see things, but it’s often worth it to avoid getting angry over things that are out of your control.
It’s important to remind yourself that anger itself isn’t a problem. It is an alerting signal that you don't like what is going on and need something to change.
Find Help
Again, it’s normal to feel annoyed or irritable sometimes. But, when those annoyances take over and you find that you’re angry more often than not, it can be hard to control on your own. Sometimes, seeking out professional help is the best way to manage your anger and find some peace within yourself.
If you’re struggling with anger and you know it isn’t good for you, feel free to contact me. Together, we can get to some of the underlying causes and learn helpful ways to manage your irritability on a daily basis.
Contact Me
I know how stressful and demanding it can be to make changes in your life, but you don’t have to figure it out on your own. Some of the benefits of individual therapy include:
- Having a safe, confidential space to work through life’s struggles
- Speaking openly with a highly-trained professional
- Learning to be curious about oneself and become more mindful about your choices
- Identifying relationship patterns that are helpful, or existing patterns that are interfering with your growth and wellbeing.
- I offer online therapy (video conference style of therapy), which provides an increased level of comfort as you could meet with me from the privacy and comfort of your own home or other location.
You can request a specific appointment time that fits your schedule. Once confirmed, you can complete all New Patient Intake paperwork online as well.
*** The tips offered in this article are for general information and should not be considered medical or psychological advice. For more personalized recommendations appropriate to your individual situation, please contact us or obtain professional guidance.
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