As much as we might love a friend or a partner, if we have a different style of expressing it than our partner, a lot can be lost in translation. As Gary Chapman explores in his book “The 5 Love Languages” (which I summarized here), there are five different ways we express love, and prefer to receive affection in return. Today I will be discussing Gift Giving.

When our styles are different, we might be left feeling unloved or uncared for. To avoid this happening, it’s important to understand how each person communicates love and which style they thrive on in return.

(If you are curious about what your Love Language is, check out the official website here to take a quiz, learn more, listen to podcasts, and find a whole bunch of official resources.)

I will be writing about each style (Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time Together, and Physical Touch), and today’s is Gift Giving.

Gift Giving

If your style isn’t gift giving, it might be easy to misunderstand this expression of love. When we think of gifts, they’re often tied up with money. For most of us, someone flashing their bank account isn’t particularly romantic. This style might appear, at first glance, as impersonal, but when we dig a bit deeper, it’s about much more than materialism.

As the gift-giver, presents are a chance to let the other person know how much we pay attention to the things they like or the details they’ve mentioned in passing. It’s a way to say we remember that conversation two months ago or that we noticed things they love or need. Gifts say we’re thinking of them, even when we’re not together, and that we want them to feel special. A present isn’t really about the object itself, but what it represents: love and the desire for the other person’s happiness.

As the person receiving, presents can make us feel heard, thought of, cared about, and special.

Small surprises can brighten a day: the idea that someone spent the time to make or buy something, that they put thought into it, and that they know us well enough to pick something perfect feels genuinely special. For someone with this style of love, gifts are a way to know we’re considered and that our happiness is important to someone else.

How To

Sometimes the price tag is a part of gift giving, but this style doesn’t have to break the bank. In fact, it can cost little to nothing! A few quick ideas:

• Buy a partner’s favorite cereal for them without them asking
• Surprise them up a pastry
• Leave notes in their pockets for them to find
• A small bouquet of flowers from a walk you took
• Their favorite candy or chocolate (not just for Valentine’s Day!)
• Supplies to support their favorite hobby (such as gardening, photography, crafting or art/paint supplies)

None of these cost much, but they’re all special. The point isn’t always what it is, but that we went through the effort. There are plenty of small gifts we can give the people in our lives everyday to let them know we care.

Gifts can also always be homemade: gift giving isn’t about a big bank account but about expressing that we care.

Of course, sometimes a grand gesture can be amazing:

• a trip
• an expensive dinner
• jewelry

Again, it isn’t the money, but that someone cares enough to do that for us. When it comes to every day gifts, though, diamonds aren’t necessary: small, thoughtful surprises are enough to communicate love and affection.

Land Mine to Avoid

Each Love Language has an area to be especially careful about, or you could end up injuring the relationship. For Gift-Giving, you will want to make sure that you pick a gift that is meaningful (regardless of the price tag). If it looks like you just picked something up last minute at the check-out register, then your gift will not make anyone feel special. Additionally, be sure not to forget special occasions and anniversaries.